05 December 2006
I went to a funeral yesterday.
He wasn't a close friend, but a friend nonetheless. The circumstances of his death were sudden and unjust. People came out of the woodwork to grieve together. It was good to hear good things said about him and see all of the people who regretted not having more time with him. Funerals have a way of bringing old friends back together by reminding us how short our time on the earth is and how big our community of family, friends and acquaintances really is.
As I said, we weren't really close, so I don't really have the authority to comment on his personality or beliefs. His funeral took place in a church. He didn't really strike me as the religious type, though, or the sort of person who would want prayers said for him in remembrance. My wife and I decided that this was probably for the benefit of the family.
We talked about how we would want our funerals to be, and how we both would definitely want no religious ceremony or sentiment to mark our passing. I know that my family would respect that wish, as would hers. After we're gone though, it really doesn't matter, except to those we leave behind. I've commented before about some criticisms some atheists have had about the evocation of the will of god as a response to some horrific tragedy (usually involving children). My opinion was that at a time of loss of that enormity, you need something to act as a healing salve. Some find it in a bottle or a pipe or a rolling paper. Some find it in their work. Some find it in their friends. Some, alternately, find it in the bible. It's all fine and good to hope that your friends and family could live their lives without wearing the blinders of magical thinking. But what are your thoughts about their using those myths to find comfort in their grief?
As I said, we weren't really close, so I don't really have the authority to comment on his personality or beliefs. His funeral took place in a church. He didn't really strike me as the religious type, though, or the sort of person who would want prayers said for him in remembrance. My wife and I decided that this was probably for the benefit of the family.
We talked about how we would want our funerals to be, and how we both would definitely want no religious ceremony or sentiment to mark our passing. I know that my family would respect that wish, as would hers. After we're gone though, it really doesn't matter, except to those we leave behind. I've commented before about some criticisms some atheists have had about the evocation of the will of god as a response to some horrific tragedy (usually involving children). My opinion was that at a time of loss of that enormity, you need something to act as a healing salve. Some find it in a bottle or a pipe or a rolling paper. Some find it in their work. Some find it in their friends. Some, alternately, find it in the bible. It's all fine and good to hope that your friends and family could live their lives without wearing the blinders of magical thinking. But what are your thoughts about their using those myths to find comfort in their grief?
// posted by Parge @ 9:05 AM
Comments:
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Finding comfort in a mythological reason for a death may only be a temporary solution. You may find comfort in imagine your disembodied loved one floating around in the ether but eventually you still need to come to terms with reality.
I believe that trying to deal with reality with mythology cannot help the process.
I believe that trying to deal with reality with mythology cannot help the process.
# posted by 
: 05 December, 2006 10:53
: 05 December, 2006 10:53
Hi Halden,
It's true that religion won't help in the long run, but neither will heroin or whiskey or a shopping spree. The question might be: what's the easiest hole to climb out of when your children die before you? To cope isn't to heal.
I'm not really sure about the point I'm trying to make. Belief in an afterlife is one of the greatest menaces to the world and all of the life upon it. It probably exists because we have such a hard time letting go of the ones we love. It's a high price to pay for the comfort we receive.
It's true that religion won't help in the long run, but neither will heroin or whiskey or a shopping spree. The question might be: what's the easiest hole to climb out of when your children die before you? To cope isn't to heal.
I'm not really sure about the point I'm trying to make. Belief in an afterlife is one of the greatest menaces to the world and all of the life upon it. It probably exists because we have such a hard time letting go of the ones we love. It's a high price to pay for the comfort we receive.
I agree that ANY method of distraction be it Heroin, Alcohol, Shopping or God is only a way to postpone the actual dealing with and healing.
I believe that the only true way to deal is to mourn and come to terms with one's sense of loss.
I believe that the only true way to deal is to mourn and come to terms with one's sense of loss.
# posted by : 06 December, 2006 09:29
: 06 December, 2006 09:29
"what are your thoughts about their using those myths to find comfort in their grief?"
As you say, the myths are just another escape. Not essentially any different than a bottle of booze.
This escape is a lost opportunity to learn about oneself. Painful, but an opportunity nonetheless.
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As you say, the myths are just another escape. Not essentially any different than a bottle of booze.
This escape is a lost opportunity to learn about oneself. Painful, but an opportunity nonetheless.
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