The Environmental Atheist

Something odd happened yesterday while I was waiting for the bus to go home. I normally walk, but I felt tired. A gentleman asked me if his bus had come by yet. That was an icebreaker to strike up a casual conversation.

I'm not normally one to do that - carry on talking to a perfect stranger. In Vancouver, if a stranger starts talking to you, it's usually a lead-in to a request for money. I usually give people about 3 seconds of the benefit of a doubt - just enough time to determine if they're merely a tourist asking for directions. I like tourists. They're usually nice and in need of help. I put interactions with junkies in the same class as that of telephone solicitation. I work to keep it from intruding upon my time and attention as much as possible. As regrettable as their conditions are and the circumstances that put them there, they're still parasites. My compassion for them manifests itself as annoyance at being badgered into financing the shit that keeps them in their hell. That annoyance is exacerbated by living adjacent to a junkie stomping ground, with all of the burglaries, break-ins, assaults, and cast-off dirty needles that go with it. So moving on from "hello" is a bit odd for me.

He asked me how long I'd lived in the city, and told me how long he had. We chit-chatted about the number of people waiting, and the number of busses sharing the stop. We shared our names. Then his bus came and bid me good bye. Before he left, he gave me his card and told me that he sings about Jesus every weekend.

Shit. I thought he was gay.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not gay. If asked on a date by a man, I would respectfully decline for two important reasons. First, I'm happy with my sexuality and have no irrational fears about being mistaken for gay. It's happened before. It doesn't bother me a bit. I like being hit on, by man and woman alike. It's an ego boost. But after lots of self reflection, I'm quite sure of which sexual camp I'm in. Second, I won't undermine the relationship I have with the woman I married. I hate infidelity.

The revelation that he wasn't gay was a disappointment. I mean. I should have seen it coming. It's hard though. The gay come-on looks a hell of a lot like a fundie meet and greet. The difference is that homosexuals don't recruit. I'm nice to gay men, especially the scant few that hit on me, not only because they're often good people, but because of the shitty treatment they get at the hands of other "hetero" jackasses.

You see the stereotypical reaction all the time. Some self-conscious chump, uncomfortable with non-standard sexuality, a slave to the dipshit assumptions of his friends and family, blows up in fear, humiliation and anger at the thought of even the suggestion of a proposition from a person of the same sex. Since a men are always rutting on some level, the mere presence of a gay person can be misconstrued. With testosterone, inevitably comes violence. That's not me.

Fuck christianity. Fuck whatever their book seems to say about homosexuality. It's an excuse - a justification for dumb. Homophobia in men is a dire fear of being ostracized or brutalized as a result of being mistaken for a homosexual. Homophobia exists to put as much distance as possible between a man and the trappings of gaydom. Born in the crucible of junior high or middle school, in the hallways and locker rooms where appearance is everything and assumptions and hormones run rampant, it's peer pressure on crack. I have no idea why women are homophobic. I'm sure there's some peer pressure in the mix. I see it only as a side-effect of male homophobia.

I've got no ill feeling toward bus stop guy. It would have been fun to refuse his card with the revelation that I'm an atheist. He would have missed his bus though. I am a bit miffed at getting suckered with a cold call by the fish people. That's just rude. It's an obscene misrepresentation. Why does "nice" have to have an ulterior motive? It's a bit selfish, trying to reel in souls for the company with the aim of getting a nice corner office upstairs. At least the motive for the gay proposition is reciprocal sexiness. Give and take. Share and share alike. For the christian, it seems that this life isn't good enough. He sees the bigger and better deal after the grave. Fair enough. Let him have his delusions. But don't toy with my sense of community and civility just to drag me into the death cult and chalk up one for the team.

Labels: morality